


save the receipt

by runimpossiblegirl



Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anthony: I think I'm going to start problems on purpose, Drunken Shenanigans, Established Relationship, F/M, Himbo Colin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28778814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runimpossiblegirl/pseuds/runimpossiblegirl
Summary: “Wait, wait, wait. Do you need your marriage certificate to fill for divorce?” asks a very serious Colin all suddenly.“Yes, it’s one of the mandatory papers to present.”“So if there’s no certificate you can not do it?” He asks for confirmation with his eyes blinking really fast.That’s when Anthony realizes his brother brain—now full of alcohol—is paying attention in a way he normally only reserves for Penelope or food. But why is he fixating on this? And then he thinks,Oh, oh the idiot.Incredible how he’s a two times bestselling author and so gullible at the same time, but Anthony is going to have a bit of fun with this.
Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington
Comments: 50
Kudos: 514





	save the receipt

**Author's Note:**

> This was a short writing exercise with a twitter prompt for another ship that I stole.
> 
> I'm amazed I managed to keep this short! As always, any mistake is mine only :)

The Bridgertons drinking night is a tradition that the brothers have been keeping for at least twelve years, before the wives and the children and the new adult responsibilities they now have. Well, Greg doesn't have that many but he will eventually.

It started with Anthony and Benedict and then once Colin reached eighteen he joined his brothers, is a way for Anthony to always know what’s happening with them without feelinglike it's a chore. An unexpected bonding exercise. With Daphne’s marriage came Simon entry to the ritual and eventually little Gregory joined the group.

It wasn’t that any of them needed some reprieve from their lives, they were all almost ridiculously happy, blissfully in love with beautiful and talented women, but it was nice to keep their own individual routine in this tiny way. A night out in their favorite bar once a month.

The girls had also implemented something like this once they were forbidden from participating, an idea from Kate that everyone embraced. Their version, though, included short dresses and high heels besides the alcohol, a backfire they hadn’t expected and had almost made them reconsider.

Two things had calmed the men down: the Bridgerton women were always in the same place, a bar owned by a family friend that would call any of them immediately if anything happened, and the fact that Eloise and Kate were terrifying enough that no men would ever approach them with bad intentions and live to tell it.

So the tradition had continued on. And they were now way pass getting absolutely smashed with twenty five years old whisky on a Wednesday. 

“That stupid Neville is driving me crazy with his divorce,” says Anthony, unloading in his companions the day’s frustrations. “He was a shit husband, what was he expecting to happen for her to keep doing everything for his lazy ass?”

“How can you be shit husband?” Colin asks. “My wife would murder me.”

Benedict nods gravely and Anthony smiles. Is cute how his second youngest brother can’t stop referring to himself as husband and Pen as wife once he’s drunk enough. It’s as if he’s addicted to the words and trying to remember the whole world that he actually got his head out of his ass and has spent the last eight months married to the girl.

“That’s because Pen is smart,” adds Simon, the only sober person in the group, who’s clearly been texting Daphne constantly for the last fifteen minutes.

Colin nods so aggressively Anthony’s surprised he doesn’t throw up with the movement. “The smartest. Smarter? No, smartest. Brilliantest.”

“I don’t think that’s a word,” slurs Gregory, trying to keep his chips away from Colin.

“My wife would know if she were here. Why are they not here again?” asks the food vacuum.

“Because we agreed we’d keep this between us men only.”

“We are definitely not the brilliantest,” comments Benedict and they all start laughing again.

“Anyway,” interrupts Anthony, “the idiot was an hour in the office complaining because he doesn’t have the marriage certificate and how was he going to fill the divorce without that?”

“Wait, wait, wait. Do you need your marriage certificate to fill for divorce?” asks a very serious Colin all suddenly.

“Yes, it’s one of the mandatory papers to present.”

“So if there’s no certificate you can not do it?” He asks for confirmation with his eyes blinking really fast.

That’s when Anthony realizes his brother brain—now full of alcohol—is paying attention in a way he normally only reserves for Penelope or food. But why is he fixating on this? And then he thinks, _Oh, oh the idiot._ Incredible how he’s a two times bestselling author and so gullible at the same time, but Anthony is going to have a bit of fun with this.

“Yes Colin. Without the certificate you cannot fill for a divorce. It’s like a purchase where you need the receipt to return the item. That’s why I destroyed mine, and told Benedict to do the same.” Anthony tells him with the same seriousness he shows in front of a judge.

“You did?! Why didn’t you tell me?” he ask with a voice full of betrayal while the rest of table tries to keep a serious face. “Oh this is not good. Not good at all.”

Simon, the designated driver for tonight shakes his head and whispers, “Whatever he ends up doing, you do realize Penelope is going to make _you_ pay?”

But Anthony just shrugs. “He's not going to do anything, he’s so drunk he’s probably not even going to remember this tomorrow.”

  
Colin gets out of the car and waves to his brothers before climbing the short stairs to his and his wife apartment. God but he loves her. His wife. She’s just so perfect, has the world most amazing smile, the best pair of tits he’s ever encountered—and he’s traveled a lot—and has loved him through all the years he spent away not realizing she was right here.

Sometimes he wakes up early and watches her just to make sure this is really his life now. He cannot lose Penelope. And Anthony decided to tell him just now that there’s a paper that can get him divorced? Most certainly not, not on his watch.

He doesn’t really understand how the whole thing works but Anthony is the lawyer and if Benedict knows of this too then the logic that escapes him right now doesn’t matter, he needs to find this paper and destroy it before Pen knows about it.

No certificate equals no divorce. Easy.

He crashes against a side table before realizing he hasn’t turned on the lights—this means his wife isn’t home yet so he has to be fast—and he does that before moving again. Where can their wedding papers be? He can hear Pen’s voice telling him the place but when he tries to remember all he can think is how pretty she looked in a flowy skirt that he later raised while he bended her over the couch in their office… the office! Of course Penelope keeps the papers in the office.

Smiling at the memory and having discovered the location he starts moving.

But once in the office he discovers a big problem: with both of them being writers there were a lot of papers around. The desk proves useless, nothing that looks official on it or, _ups_ , spread around the floor.

If these were important papers—terrible papers capable of separating him and his wife!—they had to be somewhere special.

He starts looking around until a box on top of a shelf calls his attention. It’s high, though. And the room is spinning a little, so he’ll have to be very careful. It would not do for Penelope to find him in the floor once she arrives as he doesn’t want to give her more explanations than necessary.

With the help of a stool and very careful planning he manages to reach the box, but is just pulling it down when the front door opens and it slips from his hands.

“Fuck!”

“Colin?” asks the voice of his wife. “Are you there? I—shit, why is this table like this?”

Now full of panic Colin starts to look for the object of his future demise as fast as he can.

_Birth certificate, contract with his publisher, apartment lease, contract with her publisher, marriage certificate. Finally._

But he can now hear the heels clacking on the floor bringing her closer every second. There’s nowhere to hide the paper, no chimney to burn it, no paper shredder close to him, so he does the only thing he can think about: he rips it to pieces and starts eating it. Or at least tries to.

“Colin why—oh my God, what happened here? Did someone tried to rob us? Oh my God!”

He wants to calm her, to tell her that no, no one has tried to enter their home, but he’s choking a bit and once he manages to swallow all he can do is smile at her and say: “You look so beautiful.” 

  
Penelope loves her husband, has loved him for a long time and she’s almost always in the mood to hear his compliments, but this is one of the few times when she definitely isn’t.

“Colin, this is not the time, love. We need to call the police, try to find out if anything is missing.”

“Nothing is missing!” he says quickly. “We should go to bed. You look so pretty.”

“You look very pretty, too,” she tells him, looking around the mess that is their office now. And that’s when she notices the stool next to the shelf, and how Colin is still kneeling on the floor surrounded by pieces of a papers and… the box of official documents? Something weird is happening here.

“Love, what are those papers?”

“Nothing!” he says. “There's no papers.”

He’s so drunk he can barely keep his balance when he stands up, still clutching something in his right hand. Normally she would find it adorable, but right now she just wants to know what’s happening.

“Colin, all the office is full of papers.”

“I don’t see anything that's not you,” Colin says stubbornly before hugging her very close to his body. Even in the middle of this stressful situation she finds herself relaxing. This is clearly not the emergency she imagined when she came in. “I love you so much, wife.”

Taking care of not starling him, she starts caressing his arm until she reaches his hand and in a quick movement steals the pieces of paper from him and dances away while he yells, “No!”

“What’s… Is this our wedding certificate?” She wonders, fully confused now. “But why is it in pieces?”

Colin cannot look her in the eyes. “Mmm I don’t know,” he says, and then starts clearing his throat because there’s something…

She looks at the pieces of paper in her hands and then at her husband, still doing weird noises and…

“Colin did you try to eat this?!” She gaps.

And he looks at her with a face full of misery before speaking really fast. “Yes I did. Because it was a bad paper and Anthony said he destroyed his and that Benedict did the same because you can get divorced if you have that paper and I really don’t want to get divorced ever because I love you a lot but good luck trying to do that now because you can’t return me now that you don’t have the receipt!” He finishes triumphant before coughing again.

And that’s when Penelope loses it and starts laughing so hard she ends in the floor, with tears running down her cheeks.

“Oh my God. Oh, baby. You will never live this down. You actually ate or wedding certificate.”

He looks at her full of confusion.

“Did Anthony forgot to mention you can get a new certificate any day in a government register office? It’s not the most pleasing experience because the bureaucracy always sucks but it’s also not impossible.”

“You can? But he said Neville couldn’t file for divorce because he didn’t have that paper and he had been complaining for an hour about.”

“Probably because he’s an asshole that expected his ex-wife to do everything.”

“Oh,” says a defeated Colin. “So we can still get divorced.” Penelope still doesn’t understand how did he reached that conclusion.

She walks back to him and puts her arms around his neck. His hand immediately clutch her hips.

“Colin Bridgerton, do you want to get divorced?” she asks him raising an eyebrow.

“No! Never! But what if one day you wake up and get angry at me because it took me so long to realize I loved you and then you want to leave me and I’m all alone and miserable without you?” he looks like the saddest puppy right now, full pout and everything.

She closes the distance and rubs her nose against his.

“I love you. You are my whole heart. Do you really think I could live without it even for a single day? I already did that and I have no intention of repeating the experience.”

“Do you promise?”

“Didn’t I already do that in a church full of our family and friends and then in front a judge?“

“Yes. But do you promise?” he insist. And she realizes there’s nothing rational on his request, he only wants the words. So she gives them to him.

“I promise. I super promise. I super mega promise!” He's laughing now, giving her that lovely smile that always makes her go a bit crazy.

“Can we go to bed now?” Colin asks. “You really look pretty.”

“Okay, Romeo. But first we are getting you an aspirin and some water.” She looks around the office. “You are going to have a lot of work tomorrow. And I have a revenge to plan.” 

Colin cannot believe fucking Anthony did this to him. He actually ate paper. His latest manuscript is all in disarray around the desk floor. Penelope was still laughing this morning when he woke up with a terrible headache. The only comfort he has is that his wife’s has already something planned for the bastard and she managed to even convince Kate to join.

“You do realize you’ll be the responsible of getting us a copy of that document, right?” Penelope tells him, wearing only his t-shirt, carrying a mug of coffee and standing against the doorframe of the office .

“I know. I’m sorry, I’m never getting that drunk again.”

“You are an idiot.” Penelope shakes her head at him. “But you are my idiot. And I have no plans of returning you, receipts or not.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in Tumblr @runimpossiblegirl 💖
> 
> Editing to add this about the revenge:
> 
> I actually haven't thought in the revenge, tho it probably should be a multiple steps one, includes Kate changing sugar for salt in the mornign, Anthony's car mysteriously not working no matter what he does and no one in his family helping him or even answering the phone (including his mom who's very sorry but honestly dear you reap what you sow), and eventually arriving to the office two hours later to find the ink of ALL his pens over some important case documents including his own marriage certificate. His lunch (usually prepared by her wife and kids) is actually just a paper bag filled with confetti and glitter and he drops a bit on his clothes, God dammit, and when he goes to pick some bills from his wallet he also finds it destroyed (and his credit cards missing). Hungry and annoyed is at the end of the day that an exhausted Anthony discovers the worst part of this revenge: Pen mixing all his good alcohol with baby cologne.


End file.
